Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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