the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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