i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
