Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
