I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
