He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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