i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
