We won't sleep together?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
