dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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