ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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