hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize