im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
