Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
