Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize