Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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