I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
