yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
