So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
