The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
