so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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