You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
