Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
