he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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