TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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