sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
