bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize