I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
