It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
