the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
cat food counts as protein by the way
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
