if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
