don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize