i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
