im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
