You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
