She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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