What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
