take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
