i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
