Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
