East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just come out here and I will go home with you...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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