i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
