my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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