She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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