If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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