We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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