omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
