In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize