He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
