I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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