I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
