Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
