My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize