did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
