have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
