she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
