So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
