he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
