I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
