Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You are the jesus of drinking
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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