you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
