trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
