I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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