he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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