just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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