why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
