fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We left the knife in your bed.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
