If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
