If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
