Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize