He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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