You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
